Sunday, April 29, 2007

I am pleased to announce that

I am developing an ass. Those of you born with asses cannot relate, I know, but you must understand that my genetic material did not predispose me to a booty. We are a flat-butted people, and it takes a lot of exercise to change that reality. When I got out of the hospital and caught a glimpse of my rearend in a mirror as I was getting dressed, it was a shock - I had a severe case of Old Lady Flat Ass happening back there - you know, when the butt develops sideways and gets wider, but is as flat as can be when viewed in profile. It is, IMHO, possibly the worst sort of ass to have and mine was truly horrific, thank God I was still on drugs then and too mind-altered to be very upset. I just made a note of it and vowed that going to the gym would fix it. After nearly 60 miles of elliptical trainer and treadmill, things have perked up back there. J Lo is not losing any sleep over my modest behind development but I am very pleased to see it, because most articles of clothing expect something back there, they tend to fit better that way. The seat of my current comfy jeans is still sagging, because the miles of exercise have trimmed my hips and thighs (but nothing else - must add serious weight training). It motivates me to get some new jeans very soon, or start wearing a t-shirt: "It's only the jeans that sag like that - honest!" When one is in one's late 40s the observer can never be sure, and I don't want to scare people.

Next target - depressingly jiggly lower abdomen. One problem area at a time.

7 comments:

Debi said...

Hunny I'm very happy for your buttockal development but if you want to save yourself the wear and tear of exercise please help yourself to all you want of my ample nether region. I have plenty for you (and 20 of your friends) to share! I'm generous like that, can't help it.

Debi said...

Oh btw, thanks for visiting today, I missed you around Chez FKD!

Catherine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Catherine said...

I swear, I can't see to type this morning! I had to delete the comment above due to too many stupid typos. Anyway, one's behind can be flat AND too ample, they aren't mutually exclusive. Mine was expanding in four directions (South was the most offensive) but not outward to fill out the seat of my pants.

Amy in StL said...

Well, I'm rapidly losing it.... But, I had so much butt that I had a double behind. There was like an extra butt roll above my buttocks. I'd gladly donate it to you, but I suspect you want the firm round toned muscular one that I'm going for too!

Funny, after biking all afternoon yesterday; I told my friend this morning that I wished my butt looked how it felt.

Catherine said...

Isn't that the truth? If my butt and legs looked as good as they feel, I'd be so thrilled! Unfortunately, they are still encased in a layer of fat. Patience is not one of my virtues, but I'm determined to get results.

ellen said...

Congrats on the bootilicious developments! I know how much work goes into ANY visible butt beauty. Now arms - more fun and much faster to see progress. Keep up the good work, and I can't recommend outdoor cycling too much (yes, I know you live in Florida - I'm in Oklahoma and it still doesn't scare me off).