This week was just awful, in every way, endless attempts to communicate and get something, anything, done, while dealing with the dumb, lazy sacks of shit who populate my working life. I won't go into it all here because the wounds earned in the War on Stupidity are just starting to granulate a little, and I don't want to pick the scabs. I am exhausted, brain-fried, and disgusted. If you noticed that the cardio mileage count hasn't changed in the sidebar, there's a good reason - I haven't been to the gym in a week. I either get home late, or have errands to run after work, or, like tonight, I'm just too tired and burned out to care. This is not acceptable. I'm not going to let my life turn into this. My boss says he hasn't been to the gym in many months and he's hating it. I said that he didn't have a neurosurgeon and a cardiologist tell him to manage stress and exercise, because the level of stress in my life freaked them out a little. Before the brain blowout I used to joke about those tests, you know, the lists of life events and if you have more than two or three of them in your life, it can affect your health. Things like job changes, death of a spouse, death of a parent, financial stress, you get so many points for each - I'd look at the list and say, "Hey, I should be dead." Then I damn near died. And now I'm back from the near dead, lucky beyond measure to be unimpaired, because I have nowhere to go and no one to take care of me, and I have the "challenge" (as we say in corporatespeak) of breaking my life down to the smallest elements, throwing away everything that doesn't work, and coming up with a plan for my own survival. Because I am damn sure not about to die for this, or any, company, and I am not willing to settle for the shitty quality of life I have now.
I was going to drive to Cousin C's tonight, but I'm too tired. I'll go in the morning. Tomorrow there will be manicures, pedicures, maybe a little shopping, dinner at her new favorite restaurant, and margaritas. Sunday I will do lunch with her, then drive back, feeling remarkably refreshed, to do laundry and buy cat food and take out the garbage and get ready for another week at work. Tonight, I am going to spend a quiet evening on the couch knitting. And thinking happy, positive thoughts - I love the Falling Water scarf. Yes, I do. I am going to find a buyer for this house. Yes, I will. I will have a lovely little apartment and my little dog, too. I shall take some of the money from the sale of the house and buy new living room furniture for the apartment, smaller stuff, and a comfy chair for knitting and reading - Girl can have the old stuff if she wants it, it is already Dudley-Tested and Approved. Or not. I don't care, it's just Stuff.