This got my attention. Not because there are people with the kind of discretionary income to spend a thousand bucks a week on personal maintenance. Nope, that just creeps me out. This article got my attention because I spend less per month on personal maintenance than the author. Who is a man.
My regular maintenance expenses:
Haircut every 4-6 weeks: $55 including tip.
Box of hair color, because I can't sit still long enough to let the Hair God do it: $8.
Gym membership: $35.
I buy my makeup at Target, along with the Crest tooth whitening kit I keep forgetting to use. Shall we count my OralB power toothbrush? I still can't crack $200 a month, even when I stock up on moisturizers. I also occasionally splurge a hundred, give or take a few, bucks at L'Occitane, maybe two or three times a year. That's it.
I know I'm low maintenance, but maybe I do take it to the extreme. I'm not living in a farmhouse in the 1800s, I'm a purported executive type person in a corporation.
Girlchild gave me a couple of lovely birthday gifts - a pair of gold hoop earrings, because my favorite pair went missing somewhere between the aneurysm and coming home from the hospital. She swears she remembers that the hospital gave them to her for safekeeping before my surgery, so we can't blame them, but we don't know what happened after that. We tore my room apart and didn't find them, and neither of us can remember what we might have done with them. Maybe they were thrown out with the plastic bag of hospital shit you get when you go home. So she replaced them. And she gave me a pricey gift certificate to the day spa of the Hair God, to get a manicure and pedicure. Because, yes, it's true, I have never had a professional manicure or pedicure. I am a do-it-yourselfer, when I bother to do it myselfer. I keep talking about going to the spa and indulging in this, yeah, it would be nice, but I never book time for it. And damn, it's expensive. Now I'll have to do it. Force myself, you know. It'll be torture.
I may sneak one pedicure in before I use the gift certificate, because I'm going to go see Cousin C in two weeks, and we will spend a Girl Weekend. That could be something we do besides shopping, eating, and sitting by the pool drinking margaritas. Not that those are bad things to do at all. She's so cute, she emailed me and asked when I was coming to visit, and said something like, "I know I'm not young but I like to get out and do things." Like I didn't know that. She's 64 going on 35. She can run me into the ground, or at least she did before I started working out again. Now maybe I can keep up with her. But it dawned on me that pedicures might be a chance to sit down someplace that is air conditioned and doesn't serve fried seafood, so I'm going to propose that as a fun thing to do. Because I am officially way too low maintenance, and I need to indulge in more maintenance. At least as much as a straight guy in San Francisco, anyway.