Saturday, December 1, 2007

December Horoscope

Cancer

I'm not so thrilled with that horoscope, yes it's all positive and upbeat but it's all about great things happening at work, and at this point the best thing that could happen to me would be a layoff with a madly generous severance package. That won't be happening so it's hard to get too jazzed about a happy work horoscope.

I went to Ikea for the first time today. It's quite something - picture two Home Depots stacked on top of each other, all full of furniture and home decor stuff. I got lost. I didn't buy anything because I don't need anything, but I did sit on and fondle furniture. It's definitely meant for a younger demographic than I, Girlchild and her housemate M will go apeshit there, but I definitely got into it.

I love the Ektorp sofa and chair, I think that may just be my next living room furniture. I still love my living room furniture, beat-up as it is, but it is truly not going to move with me. The pieces are too large. My living room is the 80s "great room" concept - it's large and with a cathedral ceiling, and in order to make it not look like a big tile floored warehouse we opted for oversized and overstuffed furniture. I love my furniture even after all this time, it's a credit to our original choice that I've never had the urge to redecorate. It has been napped upon, knit upon, football-watched upon, many other things upon, and also puked upon (thanks Boris) and generally used and abused for almost 12 years, but it needs re-upholestering by now. The problem is that the pieces themselves are too big for just about anywhere else. I am scaling down in all ways, including my furniture.

So I didn't buy anything in Ikea, but I did go to Williams-Sonoma to buy the peppermint bark. I also bought Girlchild her first housewarming gift - 4 W-S dish towels. Yes, I know $16 for four dishtowels sounds outrageous, but I own around a dozen of them bought at various times, and I've had mine for TEN years. TEN YEARS of heavy use. One of the green striped ones developed a wee hole in it recently but it's still in service. They are well worth the money. So are the W-S oven mitts. Mine get demoted to grill mitts every few years when they get too tired looking, and put in another couple of years of valiant service on yard duty.

So peppermint bark and dishtowels were my morning. I'm glad I made the trek to the mall, though I have been really dragging ass for the last few days. I have learned that don't dare say out loud that I have my energy back or it goes away on me. The last 48 hours were rough, and I did run out of steam again today.

The post-aneruysm fatigue isn't over yet. I thought it was, but it isn't. I don't know if it ever really will be over. It's so hard to deal with, because I look and sound and act so normal, I don't think people really believe it when I try to describe the way I just have to shut down to recharge periodically. I think I am suspected of malingering, or something. It's a kind of fatigue I've never felt before, it's like I just can't DO anything until it passes. I am still not used to getting so tired I can't hoist my ass from the couch.

So tomorrow I'm going to use the gift certificate Girlchild gave me for my birthday - the manicure/pedicure at the chi-chi-poo-poo spa. My nails are short and stubby, but I'm in it for the aromatherapy and parrafin soak. No, it won't be a magical cure for my fatigue, but as long as I'm not good for much else I may as well have pretty toes.

10 comments:

jee said...

I am almost 4 years past chemo and radiation for breast cancer and I can still feel the difference in my energy and attitude. Luckily, my husband understands (I'm very lucky), by NO ONE ELSE does. So I believe you and I empathize.

jee said...

Well, it was supposed to say "BUT no one else does." Another side effect of chemo, you see.

k said...

You know what you need.
When you get the rest of this put away to rest, you will feel better.
Do what you need.

caroline said...

yeah, you may need extra rest and recharge from time to time but that may well add years to your life and maybe just maybe when the mad merry-go-round of your workplace is a distant memory, it will actually be a welcome time out.

Bliss said...

Fatigue of this kind is very difficult for the average person to understand, because they will say "they get tired too." The difference is how suddenly it can come on, sometimes for no apparent reason. Where the normal person gets tired, rests for a bit and goes again, fatigue like this literally shuts your body down until it receives compensating restoration. There is no "working through it."

There is medication that can help, if you are interested. The normal meds used for MS fatigue did not work for me. I am on one that is used for brain injured persons.

I am also familiar with brain injury fatigue, as I suffered a significant (frontal lobe) brain injury in 1989. The brain has a magnificent ability to rewire itself, and I was blessed with a recovery none expected. The fatigue did pass. I still have a couple of residual things like aphasia and short-term memory problems. I was the post-it note queen, when I still worked. Now I use a steno pad to record daily notes/reminders - as well as plugging things into electronic calendar reminders. (Nothing compared to the early days though. I was accountant, and I was unable to fill out a simple check. Any form overwhelmed my brain.)

Anonymous said...

A pedicure can lift my spirits (and relax and recharge me) like nothing else. No idea why, but it works. I've been having a pedi every 2 weeks, and somehow time got away from me and it was almost 6 weeks this time! Much better today.

My DH had a massive stroke complicated by the fact that he was motorcycle racing when it happened. That was 8 years ago, and he's just getting near to his old stamina level. I understand the need to recharge, and have learned that I also have that need, and am finally learning to give in to it, rather than pushing myself until I cry from frustration and exhaustion.

/Diann (www.knitswihcats.blog-city.com)

Catherine said...

Fatigue from the brain thing (or cancer treatment) - Bliss, if I am still having days like this when I go for my next recheck with Dr. SL I'm going to explain that I can't live this way. I have no support system, if I don't do it, it don't get done. I am the queen of sticky notes and live and die by my planner to deal with my memory issues, but when the fatigue hits there is nothing I can do for it. I have to manage myself carefully - sleep, exercise, vitamins, all those good things aren't just a good idea for me, they really do keep me going. It's the stress I can't manage - I don't control a lot of the stress inflicted on me, I have to manage it by getting myself the hell away from it, and right now I can't do that.

Catherine said...

Oh, and Bliss, the "I get tired too," sympathy makes me want to scream - no, no, I've been tired, I know what normal tired feels like, this really is different. This is a system shut-down, it's not "I feel a little off so I'm not going to do anything today, I'm so special now," it's a fatigue so all-encompassing that just showering sounds like digging a ditch for 12 hours in the hot sun. I can't focus to think, I just want to sit and pet a dog and stare into space until my brain reboots and I can function again.

k said...

That fatigue sounds way more like the depression I'm fighting right now. I'd talk to Dr. guy now.
And I read my hororscope (Libra) and it's all about the jobs right now too. Like somehow here in the middle of nowhere my career path will suddenly light up with stars and sunbeams.
And hey! why won't blogger let me list my blog like it used to? (Insert whiney crankiness here, while I go eat more cookies and drink more coffee.)

Catherine said...

No, this isn't depression, this is what happens when somebody takes a power saw to your skull and rummages around in your brain - the recovery process is slow and random. I am doing fine most of the time, perky even, but now and then the "What, you want me to THINK with this thing?" hits and I have to sit and pet a cat and knit until it passes. Then I'm back. It doesn't help that I'm working in an extremely high stress environment right now, but I'm actually doing really great, all things considering. I just have to pace myself, which I do.