Thursday, February 15, 2007

It is very bad for two people who are thinking about their futures and how close they are to fifty

and how much their jobs fucking suck right now to have lunch together. That would be R and me, and we work together and we are both staring down the barrel of 50 and both in the same place in our despair about our work lives. We are too old, too experienced, and too smart to deserve the crap that we live with right now. He has it even worse than I do, believe me. I wish, wish, wish I could go into more details, but cheer up, I may get fed up enough to quit on Monday and then you'll get details. At least about me, I can't out him.

No raise in the paycheck today. Jefe is out at some mandatory company function, with several powers that be and the head of HR, so I figured this was a fine time to send him a little note he could read on his Blackberry, gently inquiring into the status of the raise and promotion that has been dangled over my head for, oh, more than an entire quarter now. I sent the email late in the day and don't expect an answer until maybe Monday. But Monday there will be an answer.

It will either be, "It's a done deal, here it is in writing, sign here, the money will be in your next check," or I will quit. It's really quite simple. I have enough self respect and more than that, I know my value in the local legal market, and I know that I am making average money for working way above and beyond the call of paralegalhood. Yes, I was very excited about scrubbing off the scarlet P, but if that turns out to have been bullshit, I will put my P back on and go where I can just do the P-word job and NOT have to put up with the shit. I don't want to do that. I really wanted this to work out. But I don't have a good feeling.

And if/when I do quit, I want the entire internets to scream at me if I start talking about going back to work before I take at least a full month off. Because I can afford to be unemployed for a while, and could even afford to do contract work for a while and be picky about a job, but I really, really like the idea of a month off, to think things over, do things I want to do around the house, and not rush from one job to another, only pausing long enough to slap some paint on a wall and throw my back out laying sod, instead of visiting Cousin C to drink margaritas at a beachside bar, like any sane non-type-A would.


KatyaR said...

As someone who today is four months away from turning 50, I feel your pain. My job is sucking the soul out of me (what little there is left), but I don't really see any alternatives out there that would be any better. And since I don't look 20 any more, that makes it that much worse. You, however, sound like you have skills, resources, and a plan--so good on you.

Hang in there.

poormary said...

I'm warming up my vocal cords.......

Don't make me use them! :)

dragon knitter said...

will do.

my BIL was laid off last summer, just before his pension would have been vested, after he had moved from virginia to texas for this job. he's freelancing right now, and he's putting 2 kids through college (the oldest is now in med school, so she's on her own). you'll be fine.

Bess said...

Darling - I wouldn't go back to 40 for anything. I absolutely LOVE 50's. Whoda thought?

So don't you dare flee back into another 9-5+ till you've had a good long month to find your balance point. You have some security at your back. Pick them over and then choose.