Sunday, May 27, 2007

Reading the Personals.

Laurie wrote another smart and sensitive and lovely essay about weight and body image and all that good stuff, but the part that stuck with me was the recap of her date with the guy who told her he lusted after the 18 year old size zeros in his office, while he was, apparently, 28 years their senior. Okay, so 18 and 28 is 46, and he's talking about lusting after 18 year olds? Eeeewwwww.... We won't even get into how depressingly creepy it is to think that a guy who is close to my age is fantasizing about girls younger than my daughter, and talking about it. At least she discovered this right away, and not a few dates later.

A friend directed me to an online dating site she swears by, she put her profile there and had 68 contacts the next day. I guess that's a good thing if you are just seeking quantity, personally, I browsed the selection and would not want 68 of them hitting on me. My favorite profile so far was the guy who claimed to be in his 50s and is seeking a woman between 35 and 45, and oh, he wants to have more kids. I thought his photo looked familiar, he looked like on photo to enlarge, study a minute - oh yeah, he looks like an actor! What's his name again? Oh yeah: Wilford Brimley. 55 years old my ASS. Yet this droopy, paunchy old geezer is seriously out there trolling for 35 year olds and contemplating starting a family. Eeeewwwww....

I'll be 49 next month, and I don't want to date a man who looks like Wilford Brimley until I look like Aunt Bea. I'm shallow enough to think dating someone who looks like one of my uncles would be weird. I don't mind when men are a bit shallow - I think it's fair enough to have a preference for body type, provided he, too, keeps in shape. But there's a goodly number who feel it is perfectly okay to insist on a "trim, athletic" woman when they are far from it themselves. And what is it with the precise physical preferences - long hair is the most common, but one guy is hot for women who wear eyeliner. Huh? By far the creepiest one was a profile I read some months ago, he had "high standards," and had a lengthy shopping list of physical characteristics, and as the icing, insisted that women's bras and panties should always match. This is something I did not have to know before meeting him. Eeeek. I do think it's convenient when, like Laurie's date, they put their freak on display early in the game, but that was just a bit tooo early.

Just out of curiosity, I changed my search parameters to Baltimore. More hits, and in my admittedly random sampling, I didn't come across any Quaker Oatmeal Guys looking to breed with 30 year olds. And the Baltimore crew could spell and form complete sentences, too, which is a hell of an improvement on the Florida crew. And in my random sampling I didn't come across any profiles that shrieked You Are So FULL OF SHIT! like half the ones here. The guys who crack me up here are the ones who describe their ideal first date as "We'll go out on my boat for a sunset cruise, and I'll seranade (sic) you with my classical guitar...." The pretentiousness and bullshit shines through every word. The Baltimore selection appeared to have fewer of these Viagra Cowboy wannabe stud bullshit artists.

I bought a book on Baltimore for the Girlchild's amusement, and also mine, since I left MD over 25 years ago it's like a new destination for me. Girl mentioned yesterday that she'd hit on the section of the book that instructed on how to eat crabs, and is now excited by the idea of eating crabs, because she loves meals that involve doing things. She is amused by working for food. Then Cousin C called today, she is back from Greece and is staying with one of her sons in the Annapolis area. And today she was invited to a crab feast - her third party this week, and she's getting partied out. And I'm getting excited all over again about moving. I am sick of everything about Florida.


Debi said...

"I think it's fair enough to have a preference for body type, provided he, too, keeps in shape"
How about the guy who's preferred body type is fluffy (mine!) yet gets offended when I'm not attracted to 350 pound him. Do I forfeit a preference because I'm not one of those size zeros? Or should we fat girls be grateful for ANY attention? (a common misconception among certain men because how DARE I turn the loser down, don't I know I'm fat??) Or another favorite - do you know any other fat girls you could hook me up with? Why? Do we travel in packs and pimp each other out? Sheesh!!

While I appreciate your exuberance for starting a different life in Baltimore (or wherever you chose) can ya lighten up on the Florida dissing? We do have some wonderful reasons for living here - you can even tell Girlchild about stone crab - all the work she's looking for and the crab even lives to tell the tale! Beat that Baltimore :)

Catherine said...

My daughter was born and raised here, she knows about stone crab. As for the men issue, I think the parallel to being fluffy may be being 49 and finding out that Wilford Brimley there thinks you're "too old" for him.

Sue Woo said...

Hey, all the guys that look at ME these days look like Grizzly Adams on Crack. Gross.

Just a question: if a person is a size zero, does that person exist? I mean, zero is zero right? Maught from naught's naught.

Catherine said...

Grizzly Adams on Crack! Love it!

Ginnie said...

What I find really creepy is a man who is attractged to me BECAUSE I am fat. I want them to like me inspite of it, not because of, because I find it incredibly icky.

And I do love the men who say they are average or athletic, when really, dude, you are fat, but want the young, toned babes.

I decided I did not want a man that bad.

Catherine said...

I can imagine it would be very creepy to be wanted ONLY because of your size, whether that is zaftig or zero. Okay, so you're fat - if you lose weight do you stop being attractive? If you're a zero and you gain weight and become a size 4, are you now too fat for him? And yes, when I see the photos of the men with these "high standards" and very specific wish lists for women, I do wonder if they have mirrors at home. I could never watch "King of Queens" after one episode when he was critical about his wife gaining weight - which made her approximately the size of one of his butt cheeks. The whole episode was about her angst at "getting fat" - while she's married to Mr. (I Ate) Olympus. It made me sick that she didn't turn around and tell that sonofabitch to look in the mirror and shut up. It was very unfunny. I don't mind a man who says "I'm a fanatic about fitness and I want a woman who feels the same way so we can do it together," but that's different from "I want a size 2 Pilates instructor, while my own belly hangs over my belt." Icky - you know he'd be the one to harangue her for eating dessert.